Part 6
Jim and Sarah talked about many things that night.
He had shared that he and Ellen had moved down from up north around seven years ago for a different lifestyle and to allow Ellen to be closer to her family and the friends she had grown up with. Because of these past relationships, they were quickly welcomed socially. A year after they moved, he sold a small company he had founded for a substantial sum and retired to just managing their investments. Their life was sweet and good—until the unthinkable happened. And she was quickly gone. So he closed up—withdrew. He still kept fit, pursued his golf and a few other hobbies and did the minimum needed to keep up his social relationships, but that was it.
Sarah had to push back tears several times as he talked—tears that went unnoticed in the bedroom darkness.
Sarah talked about herself as well, giving Jim a pretty clear picture of her, and even shared things that commonly take most couples years to discover about each other, if they are discovered at all. Sarah did not tell Jim about Kim.
Sarah knew many people who were or had been friends with Ellen, but had never met her. Sarah learned from the wine event hostess how dear and sweet a woman Ellen had been, and how sad her passing was to all who knew her.
They met for lunch at Ted’s the next Wednesday and for drinks, dinner and whatever followed the next Saturday. As the days and weeks passed, the frequency of their meetings increased, and they soon became a couple. Kim was delighted by this, though it took her a while to get used to her and Sarah’s new morning “ritual.” Kim, an avowed lesbian since she last dated a male in college, had never eaten so much cum (albeit stale) in her life. But she dealt with it and even came to moderately enjoy the post-coital offerings.
Sarah was happy, and had never been as sexually engaged in her life. She loved what she had with both of her lovers, and if that wasn’t enough, she had the writings of her great aunt’s Order to read. Some of the writings, particularly the accounts of those undertaking the final trial, she found to be as erotic as the most graphic lesbian pornography. She would always need Kim after reading even only small excerpts. Then there were the rules and teachings of the Order itself.
Occasionally, a novitiate would be excused from the final trial and allowed fully into the membership so that she could participate in the leadership and management of the affairs of the Order. Ostensibly, this was because those who underwent the trial were much too obedient and submissive to be competent in management matters. But the ever-skeptical Sarah, based upon various inferences and allusions in the writings, came to suspect and later became convinced that as part of their services to God and the Order, the members of the Order who had completed the trial were made to “worship at the alter of the soul” of those who had not. In other words, the true purpose of the Order was to enslave young women to a life of sapphic sexual service. She wondered about this in the context of the “sexual abstinence” about which her aunt had spoken. “Apparently, the abstinence and denial of sexual pleasure only extended to those who were in fact enslaved—not to their ‘mistresses’,” reasoned Sarah. She found this both very troubling and impossibly erotic at the same time.
Sarah also found several passages that related to effeminate or disobedient males who had been delivered to the care of the Order, but as she had no interest in those matters, she skipped over these parts. Somehow, though, these males eventually would all be admitted as full members of the Order. She did find this to be quite curious.
When the weather was nice, Jim would invite Sarah to join him at the house he and Ellen had built at the beach near town. The house was on an island in a gated resort community—there were several restaurants and leisure amenities on the island. Out of consideration for Kim, Sarah limited herself to no more than two consecutive nights away, unless Kim was out of town, and frequently joined Jim for the rest of the day and night after his Saturday morning golf.
After a particularly pleasurable Friday evening and night with Jim, Sarah found herself alone at the beach house—Jim not being due back from his morning golf match for several of hours. She had mispacked, and needed something to use as a beach shirt or coverup. She checked Jim’s clothes, but nothing worked. She then remembered that Jim had said that in a spare bedroom there were some of Ellen’s things—maybe there was something there she could borrow?
In the room there were clothes both folded and on hangers and in drawers, shoes and other of Ellen’s things. She opened a few drawers in a chest, but only found bras, panties and other lingerie—even, surprisingly, some for body shaping. She quickly decided that she shouldn’t have gone into the room, much less opened the chest, and started to leave. Just then, something caught her eye—a book on the cover of which was written “Journal” in gold script. Being a librarian by training and having almost a fetishistic interest in books, Sarah couldn’t resist and picked it up. When she did, several folded pages fell from it. Sarah knelt to pick them up. On the back fold of the papers was written, in an obviously feminine hand, Ellen’s hand, ”To Her Who Follows.” A shiver ran down Sarah’s spine as she read this. Sensing even more strongly that she shouldn’t be there, Sarah hastily put the papers back into the book and left the room.
Part 7
Later that day as they were relaxing on the porch enjoying a glass of wine of wine, Sarah asked Jim about the room. He first blushed, then offered that Ellen had decided to put her affairs in order before she passed, and what was in the room were the last of what she had left behind—she had asked that he hold onto the things in the room until he knew it was time. This explanation cause Sarah’s eyes to tear—something she quickly covered. Poor sweet man.
“I guess I should tend to that sometime soon.”
“No. I don’t think it is time for that now. There’s part of you and part of her in that room. You need not hurry.”
He took her hand and squeezed it gently.
“Thank you.”
The gratitude in his eyes made her heart swell.
Their relationship continued to deepen, and Sarah didn’t give the room or the letter any thought until Jim asked her to watch the beach house for several days while he was away. On her first night at the house she started thinking about the room, and wondered for whom Ellen’s letter had been intended. What if she, Sarah, was the one “Who Follows?” And what if it was intended as a posthumous message from Ellen to the next woman in Jim’s life? And is Sarah the next woman? She decided that she just had to read it.
She nervously opened the door to the room and found the book—just as she had left it. She unfolded the pages.
“To you-
If you are reading this then several things must be true.”
First, I have passed from this world, leaving my precious Jim. Don’t feel bad for me—my life has been good, rich and well-lived, so much more so because of him. It is he who I worry about.”
Second, he has found you, or you have found him. Either way, if you are reading this he has let you in, and that is something he seldom allows. It’s not intentional on his part—it is just the way he is. And because he let you in, I know more about how you must be, even without our having met, than you may imagine.”
And Third, this man, our man, still needs someone to love and to help put him back together.”
There are, though, some things about Jim that you should know, and you should know them now, while there may still be time to back away without there being further damage to either of you. He would want that.”
So, where should I start?”
You see, Jim and I had a rather unusual lifestyle. It started when I was using his laptop and came across an odd website in the history. There were leather- and rubber-clad women, and males dressed in all kinds of feminine outfits, wearing makeup and wigs and in all manners of bondage.”
I was, of course, shocked, and thought that he must have found it by accident. But there were others. It didn’t take much for me to figure out that some kind of fetish was at play here … .”
As she read the rest of the letter, Sarah’s world was more and more rocked. Apparently, Ellen and Jim had some kind of mistress-slave relationship, with Jim the slave, and a feminized male slave at that. Not that different from what Sarah had with Kim, but he is her boyfriend! Of all things!
After she finished reading the letter, she deliberately folded it, put it back in the book, put the book back where it had been, then carefully shut the door as she left the room.
She needed to talk to Kim.
Part 8
When Kim got the call from a shaken Sarah, she didn’t hesitate and immediately left downtown for the beach house.
“Sarah—are you okay? What’s the matter?”
“I learned today that Jim wears women’s clothes and dresses up as a girl. Does that mean he’s gay? Or bisexual? Is something wrong with him?”
“Whoa! Wait! Slow down and tell me from the beginning.”
“Okay. It started the other day when I found this book in the back bedroom … .”
Sarah explained how she had decided to read the letter that fell out of the book, what the letter said and how troubling she found it. Ellen had even left behind a journal, which Sarah hadn’t dared open, that detailed certain aspects of their relationship. Ellen wanted her to know about Jim’s “interests” so that Jim wouldn’t get more hurt if he was rejected after these things inevitably came to be known.
“Uh, Sarah, I think there is an irony here that may have escaped you. Aren’t you in fact secretly bisexual?”
“Well. Yes, I guess. But that’s different.”
“I’m not so sure about that. And I’m not so sure about you using that possibility as a basis for judgement.”
“But I want him to be a man, not a, … not a ..not a whatever that would make him.”
“Not a ‘sissy,’ right?”
“I’m not sure what that means.”
“It’s actually part of a not uncommon sexual fetish. I know Jim, and I’m pretty sure he’s 100% heterosexual. Most sissies are. The sissy thing is basically a play on extreme obsession with the female—everything feminine—coupled with sexualized submissiveness and cravings for dominance and humiliation. You’ve never come across any forced feminization porn?”
“No. I haven’t. I didn’t even know about the girl on girl thing or the mistress/slave stuff until you came along.”
“That’s valid, though sometimes I think you’ve spent your entire life under a rock (shaking her head), or a heavy book. I’ll try to explain—in a lot of ways he and I are very similar, except that he gets a sexual thrill from being dressed up as a girl. I dress up as a girl every day—so I’m over that. Think about it this way—have you ever gotten real wet from putting on a naughty pair of panties or bra? Or even at the thought of wearing something extreme or taboo? It’s the same for sissies, only worse, because part of the fantasy is to be trapped in the feminine.”
“If you look hard enough you can find journal articles written by psychiatrists and psychologists about it. Most of them conclude that it is harmless. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to play with one—I mean when they’re all dressed up they’re not really guys. Nor are they girls. They’re something, well, in between. And if he really is a sissy, you could be his mistress as much as you are mine.”
“Oh. (Thoughtfully.) That’s interesting.”
“You said that there were some porn sites mentioned in the letter. The ones Ellen found in his search history. Let’s give them a look … .”
Kim and Sarah were wrapped up in each other’s arms when they awakened in the morning—the room rich with the scent of female sex.
Sarah stirred first—
“Wow, what got into us last night?”
“It was that damn sissy porn. Holy heck—some of that stuff is pretty hot.”
“I particularly liked the chastity thing. I didn’t know anything about that. Does it really work?”
“From what I understand, most of the devices aren’t very effective. But some are—you just have to find the right one. If you believe what is written, their primary benefit isn’t preventing the wearer from orgasming or having sex, though that’s how they function. . No, the primary benefit is the long-term effect of the constant sexual stimulation and denial. Apparently, by the conventional wisdom, it screws up the sissies’ minds, and they become tremendously obedient, subservient and malleable. And they love it! Hold on a second—please tell me that you aren’t thinking what I think you’re thinking.”
“Me? No. I’m not. Really I’m not. Well, maybe a little. But I would never. But just what are you thinking ?”
“It is kinda tempting, and could be a lot of fun. But, I don’t know.”
“Jeez. We can’t just pretend it’s not there—I know us. So, what do we do now?”
“I guess you, we, probably ought to start by looking through that journal.”
(Moving over and kissing Kim.)
“I think the journal can wait just a little longer … .”