The esteemed Professor Elizabeth Gottman-Finnkel, MD, PhD, Pys.D, D.O, FRCP, MSc, DrSc and DdPH expert in Relationships and sexual studies is our very own Agony Aunt. She has studied this area for over 6 decades, lectured in every major university and won two Nobel prizes.
Dear Professor Elizabeth Gottman-Finnkel,
My wife and her lover are really awful to me.
Last Christmas I upset my wife’s lover George by not chilling his beer glass ,(I mean really!). My wife wrapped me up as a Christmas present and gave me to him as a present on Christmas morning so he could do with me as he wanted!
I cannot recount the degradations I suffered at his hands until he released me. And now he claims that as I was given to him as a present I am his and has taken my chastity belt keys from me. All of them including the one I kept safe at the back of the garage.
My wife says he will soon get bored with me and give me back to her, but it is now August! Apparently I have to serve his friends at all the tv football matches.
Please Professor Elizabeth Gottman-Finnkel how do I extricate myself from this horrible position?
Here are the pictures to show how humiliating it was on that Christmas morning.
*Note from The Hotel:
This is Debbie’s considered advice …
Hello? Duh! I do not believe you one little bit.
I think you are just out to show off. I mean its like oh yeh, sure, you hate looking as sexy as that, wrapped up in those gorgeous to die for pink ribbons. I mean Pink! Not some dull blue or ghastly orange. But pink. Oh Luanna, I know your game. You are out to make us all so jealous of you.
Well I refuse to play your game for you! In fact I refuse to speak to you, so there. So it didn’t work did it?
I mean its like, totally unfair. I have never been bound in pink ribbons and given to anyone as a present. And I have hinted at it!
If I met you in the street I would look the other way and not speak to you, thats how I feel about your silly little game.
And one more thing! You should have painted your toenails pink to match the ribbons. Thats should teach you!
I am sticking my tongue out at you and ending this right here!
Signed, not your friend in any way whatsoever!