The esteemed Professor Elizabeth Gottman-Finnkel, MD, PhD, Pys.D, D.O, FRCP, MSc, DrSc and DdPH expert in Relationships and sexual studies is our very own Agony Aunt. She has studied this area for over 6 decades, lectured in every major university and won two Nobel prizes.
Dear Professor Elizabeth Gottman-Finnkel,
My wife and her lover are really awful to me.
Last Christmas I upset my wife’s lover George by not chilling his beer glass ,(I mean really!). My wife wrapped me up as a Christmas present and gave me to him as a present on Christmas morning so he could do with me as he wanted!
I cannot recount the degradations I suffered at his hands until he released me. And now he claims that as I was given to him as a present I am his and has taken my chastity belt keys from me. All of them including the one I kept safe at the back of the garage.
My wife says he will soon get bored with me and give me back to her, but it is now August! Apparently I have to serve his friends at all the tv football matches.
Please Professor Elizabeth Gottman-Finnkel how do I extricate myself from this horrible position?
Here are the pictures to show how humiliating it was on that Christmas morning.
*Note from The Hotel:
Sadly Professor Elizabeth Gottman-Finnkel, MD, PhD, Pys.D, D.O, FRCP, MSc, DrSc and DdPH cannot be with us today so we have asked little Debbie to answer for her.
This is Debbie’s considered advice …
Hello? Duh! I do not believe you one little bit.
I think you are just out to show off. I mean its like oh yeh, sure, you hate looking as sexy as that, wrapped up in those gorgeous to die for pink ribbons. I mean Pink! Not some dull blue or ghastly orange. But pink. Oh Luanna, I know your game. You are out to make us all so jealous of you.
Well I refuse to play your game for you! In fact I refuse to speak to you, so there. So it didn’t work did it?
I mean its like, totally unfair. I have never been bound in pink ribbons and given to anyone as a present. And I have hinted at it!
If I met you in the street I would look the other way and not speak to you, thats how I feel about your silly little game.
And one more thing! You should have painted your toenails pink to match the ribbons. Thats should teach you!
I am sticking my tongue out at you and ending this right here!
Signed, not your friend in any way whatsoever!
2 thoughts on “Agony Aunt for distraught sissys number 05”
Kandi thinks Debbie is right as always. Kandi’s never been tied up in pink ribbons and given to anyone either! And pink is Kandi’s all-time favourite colour! Ooh, envy! envy!
P.S. How can Luanna complain when she looks this good? Some sissies don’t know how lucky they are!
“Kandi thinks Debbie is right as always” – as always! (coughs). But on this occasion we can all agree Luanna is living the dream. x